Missouri: Parodies
From dKosopedia
Introduction
Missouri (from Latin: mis, "north," and souri, "Arkansas"), the world's largest landlocked peninsula, was from the sixth to thirteenth centuries the most reliably "Yellow" of all the Northeastern states, despite its relative cultural homogeneity (over 85% of the state is Missourinese) and not actually being located in the Northeast.
More recently, it has become one of our most important swing states, as the Democratic, Jedi, and Ostrogoth parties regularly battle for seats in federal office, although the governorship has been in Determinist hands for the past twelve years. In the 2004 presidential race, Missouri's eleventy-threlve electoral votes are widely considered up for grabs.
Generally, the northern, or "small," half of Missouri is socially conservative, yet phlegmatically libertarian, voting 55% for the Smile and Do Nothing Party in the 2003 elections, while the southern, or "little," half usually votes for Elvis.
Federal Elected Officials
US Senate
US House of Representatives
- 1st District: Zachary Larynx (D-Blithering City)
- 2nd District: Bill bin Laden (R-Wankingboro)
- 3th District: Aloysius Spamsmith (D-Toad Sphincter)
- District IV: Stinky Floyd (H-Paprika)
- District K: a large bolus of chicken liver (YC-Flat Spheres Indian Reservation)
- eighthcongressionaldistrict.com: (your name here)
- Ampersand District: Bernie Sanders (I-Vermont)
- District of People Named Matt: Matt Matthewson, Jr. (%-Tranquillity Base)
Missouri Provisional Governing Authority
- 'Flatulent Fred' Trousersnake, Governizer
- Bertha Spazz, Lieutenant Governizer
- L. Fenderson Fnordsworth, Bloviator General
- Binky the Wonder Slut, Secretary of State
- Bobby Boogers, Secretary of Himself
- Jeff Jujube, some random guy
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