Cache Theoriacide

From dKosopedia

Category: Personal stories

written by theoria at 3:17:18 PM on 10/6/2004

I really don't want to be writing this, but because speculation about theoria's disappearance seem to be causing problems... here is my confession.

I killed theoria.

I found him sitting against a wall in a vacant building in downtown Cheyenne, swilling from a bottle of Chinaco Tequila and mumbling something about New York City. Honestly, it was so pathetic that I just had to check the box next to his name and hit the erase button. I'd been wanting to do that for some time, and it felt great.

First of all, please don't mistake my crime (and subsequent confession) as a clever way to get you to come to this blog... though it is a pretty good gimmick. (I've purposely removed the registration feature from this site so that there can be no second-guessing my intentions.)

Additionally, please don't take his murder as a condemnation of dKos. If anything, it seems to have caused you to look hard at the community, which is great... but it also wasn't why I did it.

No specific thread or poster incited me to put a bullet in him. theoria has been asking for this for a long time. theoria made it difficult to concentrate on the issues in my analog life that I must address, the most important being my relationship with my daughter. theoria was fucking that up. I won't let that happen.

Really this was a mercy kiling. I found that theoria was turning into one of those blog monsters whose egos need constant feeding. Honestly, it didn't start out that way, and I was horrified the day I woke up and realized that he had ceased to write in order to entertain or inform us, but was simply participating in hopes of getting his ego stroked. I didn't want to him be that guy. What an ass.

I ask you to cut me some slack with this. Please don't call the cops. I don't want attention, and I don't want anyone to turn their sights on dKos itself. Markos, the other front-page posters, and you... YOU... are true patriots who have done more to pull together the far-flung ranks of the Democrats than any other group in recent memory. (For those who think I am "flouncing"... well... fuck you, and of course... blow me.) The fact that theoria's murder (what... two weeks ago?) was discovered at the same time as the lame-ass NYT article and Billmon's op-ed is simply bad timing. I'm sorry for that.

So.. why take the extra step of not only whacking theoria, but chopping him up in little pieces and burning the body? (I drew the chalk outline first, okay?) That seems excessive! No, it wasn't. It was selfish, but not excessive. My reason for actually wiping him or her off the face of Blogovia is that I knew he would one day be tempted to return if his body was intact... waiting for me to breathe life back into him... or her. Now I'm not even tempted.

Talking about this is a distraction from the task at hand, so please... shut the fuck up about it already... and of course, I love you.

Now, go play nice... and defeat Bush.